The 31 Days of Halloween (2016): 10/22-10/28

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31 Days of Halloween, 8989 Redstone, cinema, Dead 7, Evil Souls, film reviews, films, Halloween traditions, horror, horror films, horror movies, I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House, Movies, October, The Funhouse Massacre, The Interior, The Pack, Within

As we near the end of this glorious month, I now present you with the eight films screened during the 4th Week of October: this features some of the most extreme highs and lows of the year, so enjoy the roller-coaster. After this, we only have the 30th and 31st before we can close out this year’s festivities. Fire up your Dragula and feast those blood-shot windows to the soul on the list below.

Within

Another well-made but thoroughly pedestrian and obvious haunted house film, this one is saved a bit by an absolutely batshit, brutal finale that comes out of left field. A newlywed couple and the husband’s sassy teen daughter move into a house with a bad reputation and run into lots of scary bumps in the night. If the house doesn’t get them, maybe it’ll be the pervy next-doot-neighbor, who also happens to be the neighborhood locksmith: gotta love a creep with a strategy! Well-made and acted but absolutely everything up until the last 20 minutes or so feels about as old as Stonehenge.

8989 Redstone

The hot-headed, casually racist host of a home renovation show and his obnoxious daughter have a new project, deep in the decaying heart of Detroit’s worst neighborhood. Turns out the house may be a bigger threat than the area, however, as weird things begin to happen and various workers suffer injuries ranging from bad to worse. When Rebecca begins to see visions of the house’s original owner and architect, her dad has to determine whether this is a recurrence of a previous mental breakdown or something much darker and more insidious. Despite a cheap look, an occasionally silly script and some strictly amateur acting, this actually had ideas and imagination to spare (the central concept seems to exist in the same wheelhouse as The Dark Tower and House of Leaves, which is pretty fuckin’ rad, if ya ask me) and the chaotic finale hits Fulciesque levels of insanity that were only hinted at earlier. Yeah, the ultimate resolution is a bit muddled (if I’m reading it right) but it’s a bumpy ride with some undeniably cool moments.

Evil Souls

Incredibly sleazy, often unpleasant and throughly gonzo throwback to old-school Italian horror maestros like Fulci and Soavi, Maurizio and Roberto del Piccolo’s Evil Souls definitely won’t be for everyone but it sure as hell got me nostalgic for those old grindhouse days. An insane madman named Valentine (the all-the-way-in Peter Gosgrove, doing frighteningly good work) kidnaps two women and holds them captive in his dungeon. He’s an eloquent sociopath who dresses like a turn-of-the-century gentleman and thinks he’s the Marquis de Sade. He also has some kind of a larger plan, one that involves his drug-addicted, insane prostitute sister (he’s also her pimp) and his childhood best friend, who’s now the local priest. Did I mention that his plan also seems to involve the kidnapped women’s sons and, possibly, something occult? Because it does. Or seems to.

To be honest, it’s a little hard to tell: like the best Italian horror films, this exists on pure nightmare logic, right up to the thoroughly head-scratching finale. Like the best, old-school Italian horror films, Evil Souls works splendidly despite (or even because of) its handicaps and shortcomings: it’s a film that commits to a central tone and runs with it fearlessly. Even when the film doesn’t work (which is often) or becomes almost unbearable nasty (there’s quite a bit of graphic torture and realistic practical effects), it still manages to show a rare level of restraint that keeps it from pitching wholesale into trash cinema: it just toes the art-house line, if barely. Individual results may vary but for someone who grew up on a steady diet of Italian VHS fare, this one felt right at home.

The Funhouse Massacre

Arthouse, slow-burn horror will always be my personal favorite but, sometimes, you really just need a good, old-fashioned blood-n-guts slasher: with that in mind, Andy Palmer’s The Funhouse Massacre was just the film that I needed this October. This endlessly inventive, genuinely cool, outrageously gory little jewel is an obvious love-letter to horror, in all its era, and that’s something that’s always gonna hit me hard. The plot is simple: a collection of nefarious serial killers are sprung from the local maximum security nut-hatch (think Arkham Asylum but with mild-mannered Robert Englund as warden) and take up residence in the local haunted house attraction, an attraction which happens to feature individual exhibits based on the killers’ exploits. The real killers move into the attractions, people really start dying in the middle of a crowded carnival and the whole thing builds to a truly insane Grand Guignol finale on the terror-stricken midway.

I dearly loved everything about this film, even when it veered hard into the cheese (the obvious Harley Quinn substitute was pretty silly, in a cosplay kinda way). The references to other horror characters and franchises could be really clever (the cannibal chef was named Ramsey, ala Blood Feast and Rocco the Clown was an obvious Leatherface stand-in) and the high-energy, good-humored and gory proceedings reminded me of nothing less than Waxwork, one of my all-time favorites from any era. The Funhouse Massacre is an ideal group or party, fill of quotable lines and plenty of genuine laugh-out-loud moments. Easily one of my favorites of the year and sure to be a seasonal rotation, in the future.

Dead 7

The cast list on this one should give you a pretty good idea of what to expect: Backstreet Boys Nick Carter, Howie Dorough and AJ McClean; NSYNC’s Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick; 98 Degrees founder Jeff Timmons; O-Town members Erik Michael Estrada, Jacob Underwood and Trevor Penick; TV host Carrie Keagan; Jon Secada; Everclear’s Art Alexakis. Behind the scenes, we get SyFy in the producer’s chair and Nick Carter with a screenplay credit. Plotwise, it’s a “comedic” zombie-Western take on The Magnificent Seven, featuring the boy band members in all the pivotal roles, both good guys and bad.

As someone who avoids purposefully campy and stupid films like the plague, I can only give my personal, unbiased opinion: Dead 7 was, without a doubt, the absolute nadir of a year that has seen plenty of stinky cheese. I stretch to think of another film that was so effortlessly tedious and obnoxious, so cheap-jack, manic and utterly tone-deaf: at least B.C. Butcher was under an hour…this monstrosity felt at least twice that, if not more. I’m obviously not the intended audience for something like this but, even in this case, I really did try to find something worthwhile, anything. At the end, the best that I could say is that it finally does end, eventually: that’s really the best I got, I’m afraid.

The Pack

Despite all of the tedious haunted house and possession clones, there were still plenty of absolute treasures in the 2016 horror roster and the Australian killer dog film The Pack was one of the very best…maybe Top 5, even, if I were forced to draw up a list today. Expertly plotted, beautifully shot and full of endearing, empathetic performances, everything about this sleeper is top-notch and virtually flawless. With a supremely simple set-up (a pack of uncannily intelligent wild dogs terrorize an Australian family on their isolated sheep ranch) and perfect balance between pulse-pounding action setpieces and genuine horror, this is as lean and mean as it gets. Like the best films, the less said the better: just take my advice and seek this one out ASAP.

The Interior

Easily one of the most inventive, odd films I screened this month, writer-director Trevor Juras’ full-length debut, The Interior, is pretty impossible to classify. Think of it as an odd, sardonic mash-up of Into the Wild, Dead Man and The Blair Witch Project but that’s probably as far in a box as I can put this one: a cooly blase office drone (Patrick McFadden doing magnificent work) receives some sort of bad medical diagnosis (we’re never really told what) and decides to retreat into the woods, alone, to find some sort of peace within himself.

He doesn’t quite find that but what he does find is certainly open to interpretation: one of the best things about Juras’ confident debut is that there’s no hand-holding, whatsoever. He establishes a consistent mood (helped immensely by the gorgeous forest location and some of the creepiest night scenes ever), gets us to like his main character and then lets the rest develop organically. The Interior is a slow, methodical film but it’s never boring or tedious: as with the best filmmakers, you trust that the destination will be worth the journey and, depending on your level of patience and frustratability, Trevor Juras absolutely does not let down. Eerie, smart and full of surprising humor, The Interior is definitely one of the year’s better films.

I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House

I was fully prepared for Oz Perkins’ second film, I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House, to vault right to the top of my Best of the Year list: after all, his still unreleased debut, The Blackcoat’s Daughter (nee February), received almost universal praise on the festival circuit, with the filmmaker being credited as the next-big-thing in atmospheric, slow-burn horror. Since that’s my favorite flavor, I was ready and willing to dive in with both hands.Spoiler alert: it’s not making the list.

While I Am…looks gorgeous, sort of like a Merchant/Ivory take on the Waniverse, and features more creeping dread and leisurely pacing than a funeral procession, it’s also completely empty inside, so devoid of genuine meaning and impact as to be the equivalent of cinematic cotton candy. Ruth Wilson’s constant, tedious voiceover is a huge part of the reason the film didn’t work for me (I don’t mind a good voiceover but this was just lazy writing, the equivalent of a white noise machine for sleep problems) but the biggest issue is that the film is just so damn dull. There are plenty of good ideas, here, and no shortage of striking, beautiful imagery: Perkins’ grasp of filmmaking mechanics seem pretty solid, no two ways about it. The revelation is also strong, if simultaneously open-ended, leaving the film on a satisfyingly hazy note.

On the downside, I spent almost the entirety of the film looking at my watch, which is never a good sign. Keep in mind that I’m also the target audience for this type of film: they were preaching to the choir and I still rejected the sermon…that says quite a bit, as far as I’m concerned. I don’t mind style over substance: that can produce some truly unforgettable results, in the right hands. In this case, however, the most that I can say is the film looked great and featured a refreshingly different point-of-view and focus. Next time, I’m hoping that Perkins manages to match those awesome visuals and mood to something with real substance. Call this a near miss but a miss, nonetheless.

Coming up: the final two days of the 31 Days of Halloween, including the main event! Stay tuned!

The 31 Days of Halloween (2016): 10/15-10/21 (Part Two)

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31, 31 Days of Halloween, cinema, Fear Inc., film reviews, films, Halloween traditions, horror films, Lake Nowhere, Lights Out, Movies, Night of the Living Deb, Observance, October, Spookies, The Blackout Experiments, Under the Shadow, Viral, Where the Devil Dwells

With the end of the Halloween season rapidly approaching, we need to wrap-up this year’s 31 Days of Halloween, post haste! In that spirit, here’s Part Two of Week Three. Week Four and the two days of Week Five will follow shortly. Until then, however, feast your peepers on the goodness below!

Observance

Slow-burn horror done right, Joseph Sims-Dennett’s Observance is easily one of the best horror films I’ve seen in 2016. Parker, a grief-stricken private investigator (the exceptional Lindsay Farris), takes a case that involves him spying on an unnamed woman, Subject 1, and reporting the dull minutae back to an unknown client. As the “easy money” of watching a stranger for a few days gradually morphs into a week of unrelenting tedium, Parker’s sanity slowly starts to show the tiniest spiderweb of cracks possible. Is there more to the assignment than meets the eye? Who is the mysterious woman and why, exactly, is he supposed to watch her? Who is his mysterious employer? Why does Parker keep having nightmares about the incident that cost him his young son? The answers may not always surprise but the execution and performances are flawless, leading to one of the most fully realized chillers of the year.

Viral

With more zombie films than grains of sand on a beach, it’s a little difficult to truly stand out from the pack: while Viral might not be the most imaginative or “definitive” zombie flick out there, it more than holds its own in a ridiculously crowded field. Sisters Emma and Stacey (Sofia Black-D’Elia and Analeigh Tipton, respectively) are polar opposites, personality-wise, but are forced to become a cohesive unit when one of those ever-present zombie epidemics threatens to wipe out their little town (and the world at large, presumeably). Although there’s nothing here that hasn’t been seen before, the emotional beats all come across as overwhelmingly authentic and the consistently strong performances help sell the film as much more than another anonymous zombie flick. This may not win any awards for creativity but it takes a pretty standard story and executes it extremely well: that counts for something, in my book.

Spookies

When I was a wee lad, I grew up in an extremely small, conservative, Texas border town, the kind of place where the school librarian routinely cut the “naughty” pictures out of National Geographic magazines before placing them on the shelf. One year, at a particularly ill-advised and ill-attended school Halloween party, a supremely misguided teacher ended up screening Spookies (on VHS, of course): suffice to say that I have never been the same since that fateful day.

Genuinely weird, disjointed and nonsensical (possibly due to it actually being two separate, unfinished films cut together to make one Frankenstein’s monster), Spookies is the kind of film that flourished in the ’80s but is all but nonexistent in these more enlightened times. Full of some of the strangest creatures ever committed to celluloid (the farting mud-monsters are instantly unforgettable, as is the cat-man/whatever), Spookies is similar to Phantasm in that it runs on complete dream/nightmare logic: not a damn thing makes sense (probably a natural result from cutting two unrelated films together) but the whole thing is so casually cool that true horror-heads won’t care. The stuff of my childhood and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Under the Shadow

Calling this the “Iranian Babadook” might seen a bit dismissive but trust me: that’s high praise, indeed. As someone who was genuinely impressed by that Australian neo-classic’s ability to weld a weighty tale of mother/son responsibility to a crowd-pleasing boogieman parable, I’ve eagerly awaited a parallel and writer-director Babak Anvari’s atmospheric chiller may just be that film. Set in Tehran, during the Iran-Iraq War of 1980-’88, the film concerns young mother, Shideh (the outstanding Narges Rashidi), as she cares for her young daughter, Dorsa, in their bombed-out apartment building. Shideh’s husband is off fighting in the war, leaving her to care for Dorsa amid constant Iraqi bombing and air raid sirens. When an unexploded missile crashes through the roof of the apartment above theirs, however, it seems to bring more with it than the omnipresent stench of death: it might bring ancient evil…the Djinn.

Another in a growing list of Repulsion-style “Are they/aren’t they bonkers” films, Under the Shadow is propelled into the winning column by virtue of its rock-solid performances, utterly oppressive atmosphere and concise, razor-sharp observations on post-Cultural War-era Iran. While there’s nothing here that hasn’t been seen/done before (at this point, this kind of post-modern “ghost story” is becoming almost as old hat as traditional zombie films, let’s face it), the execution is particularly skilled and the overt focus on female characters is refreshing, to say the very least. For those who continue to decry horror films as “empty, pointless garbage,” I handily point them in this direction and let the results speak for themselves.

The Blackout Experiments

Purportedly a documentary (although I now have my doubts), The Blackout Experiments follows the participants of a particularly heinous extreme horror simulation called Blackout, a simulation which involves signed waivers, humiliation, forced nudity and, at one point, waterboarding. We meet the various folks who’ve decided to subject themselves to this self-inflicted torment, most of whom seem rather conflicted or, in some cases, a little crazy. Some of the individuals go through the torturous process multiple times, all in the name of finding themselves, pushing themselves, testing their limits, et al…but never, of course, because they’ve become obsessed by the whole process. What begins as an intriguing premise quickly boils down to a bunch of damaged people paying total strangers to abuse and debase them: even at 80 minutes, the film (which, to be honest, is just okay) wears tissue-paper-thin. By the end, we get no real revelations save one: the world is full of people, some of them very strange, indeed.

31

Looking back on schlock-rock icon Rob Zombie’s filmography, there are really only two of his directorial efforts that I can actually stand: The Devil’s Rejects (still one of the leanest, meanest and nastiest pieces of work out there) and The Haunted World of El Superbeasto (easily one of my favorite animated films). Other than that, I’ve had pretty much a “leave it” reaction to the rest of his films: even his debut, House of 1000 Corpses, completely fell apart after I re-watched it, years later, and that one used to be a personal favorite. Suffice to say that I like the idea of Rob Zombie and his “twisted” world just fine. The reality? Not so much.

Zombie’s newest movie, 31, manages to fall just about in the middle of my personal scale: much better than either his hackneyed Halloween films or his ill-advised Fulci homage, The Lords of Salem, but nowhere near the feral genius of Devil’s Rejects. Plotwise, this is just Rob Zombie remaking The Running Man, for better or worse. The set-up is suitably silly (a group of carnies is kidnapped by a bunch of rich assholes who dress up like turn-of-the-century British dandies and are forced to fight a bunch of maniacal clowns to the death in an abandoned warehouse), the action is constant and fairly well-staged and the heroes (for the first time) aren’t seriously detestable cannon fodder. Sure, the whole thing is overwhelmingly dumb and your forehead will be tender from all the slapping. That being said, the whole thing is almost worth it, alone, for Richard Brake’s magnificent performance as philosophical sociopath Doom-Head: he gets all the film’s best lines and monologues, as befits all the best sociopaths in Zombie’s canon.

Lake Nowhere

I’m a little hesitant to call Lake Nowhere one of the best horror films of 2016 but not for any quality issues: it’s easily one of my favorite films of the year, hands down. No, I’m a bit hesitant simply for the fact that the film, proper, only runs about 44 minutes. Sure, there are another six minutes or so of rather amazing fake trailers and beer commercials (the one for the giallo looks sweet but the eco-horror-themed Harvest Man looks fucking essential) that kick it off but that still brings us well below an hour, which isn’t close to full length territory. With another 30 minutes of footage (more commercials and trailers, even), this thing would be an automatic shoe-in for cult classic status: easily the most authentic-looking and feeling faux ’80s slasher I’ve yet to see, Lake Nowhere is an instant dose of warming nostalgia for all VHS horror fans.

The practical effects are pretty astounding, considering the budget, and the script is incredibly smart and inventive. Instead of another dull satire about slashers and the horror genre, Lake Nowhere actually takes tropes from the genre (cabin in the woods, slasher POV, horny teens, final girl, masked killer, possession, etc) and puts a little twist on them, all while keeping the basic framework intact. This isn’t trying to reinvent the wheel so much as approximate what a really good, really smart ’80s-era slasher would have looked like. Throw in a finale that manages to be creepy, thought-provoking and cool, in equal measures, and this little sucker is a keeper.

Night of the Living Deb

Based on the punny title and fact that this was yet another indie zombie film, I really wasn’t sure what to expect from Kyle Rankin’s Night of the Living Deb, although my expectations weren’t particularly high. Awkward, socially-impaired, but otherwise rather awesome, Deb (played with just the right amount of quirk by Maria Thayer), meets the hunkiest guy ever at a bar and wakes up in his apartment the next morning. Everything would be swell, if not for a few minor details: Ryan (Michael Cassidy, displaying a gift for comic timing) is actually not interested in her, since he already has a socialite fiancee; they didn’t actually have a one-night stand so much as a one-night pass-out; and the town has been overrun by zombies created by the environmentally-unsound water treatment plant, run by Ryan’s louse of a dad (the constantly amazing Ray Wise, genre MVP). As the pair race to connect with their loved ones, will they discover love, as well, or is the spark as dead as a…you know.

High-energy, full of great performances and constantly fun and light-hearted, Night of the Living Deb is a pretty easy film to like. Thayer and Cassidy have fantastic chemistry, together, but she’s easily capable of carrying the film on her twitchy shoulders, which she often does. None of the zombie stuff is anything to write home about but this is a good example of focusing on your strengths: consider this a rom-com that’s been infected by a good ol’ dose of zom-com mayhem.

Where the Devil Dwells

I was so positive that this zero-budget shocker would be a stinker, based on the first few minutes, that I was absolutely shocked when the film ended and I kind of loved it: talk about working hard to win me over! This is cheap but endlessly inventive filmmaking, full of surprises and one genuinely amazing performance among a slew of decent ones. Set during the ‘Satanic Panic’ craze of the late ’80s, the film involves Lenard (Walter Pena, completely understated and mostly effective), the adult son of a notorious, dead serial killer, who has been placed under house arrest in the old family homestead after attacking someone and going to the looney bin. The Sheriff (wildly OTT Scott Anthony Leet) wants him to make one wrong move, so he can send him back to the asylum, but poor Lenard just wants to get his life back on track. When he starts to see visions of dear, ol’ Oren (aka ‘The Butcher,’ aka ‘Dad) around the house, however, Lenard is forced to confront the fact that he might not be as sane as he hoped.

One of the rare films to constantly pull the rug out from under me, I’d be a jerk to spoil anything for potential viewers. I will go on the record as saying, however, that David O’Hara’s towering performance as Oren is, without a doubt, the single most frightening display of massive misanthropy since Robert Mitchum slimed his way through Cape Fear. He’s so good that he elevates the entire film, whenever he’s on-screen: when he’s not, Where the Devil Dwells manages to stay the course, for the most part, but it becomes something else entirely when he’s around. This is the kind of indie, direct-to-video horror film that makes theatrically-released films look poor, by comparison.

Lights Out

Perfectly serviceable, albeit rather run-of-the-mill, David F. Sandberg’s Lights Out (based on his short film of the same name) reminded me a lot of films like Mama, Insidious and The Conjuring: polished, professional and atmospheric, if short on anything really unique or awe-inspiring. This involves a creature that can only move around when the lights are off, leading to the expected moments when faulty lighting leads to something creeping ever closer and closer to its intended victim. For a change, I actually really liked the backstory and explanation for events, even if Maria Bello’s character was so frustratingly obtuse as to come across as a virtual plot-point.

My main problem with this, as with a lot of megaplex horror, is that everything is too familiar: the creature design is similar to Mama and the Waniverse…the setpieces are similar to films like Pitch Black…the character dynamics are similar to any of a dozen modern horror films…and on and on. There’s nothing particularly wrong with Lights Out, to be fair, and there are moments in the film that work spectacularly well. That being said, there was also nothing that walloped me upside the head or made me think about it for days (or even hours) later. This is pretty much the epitome of a popcorn flick, despite its deep themes about abandonment and mental health issues. Again, not bad, by any definition, but I doubt I’ll remember it come Thanksgiving.

Fear, Inc.

Coming across a bit like a cross between David Fincher’s The Game and another film I screened this week, The Blackout Experiments, Vincent Masciale’s Fear, Inc is a thoroughly entertaining, if slightly predictable (minus a wallop of a twist ending) horror-comedy that should definitely appeal to genre fans. Slightly obnoxious horror fanboy and manbaby Joe (fantastically realized by Raising Hope’s Lucas Neff, who should do much more of this kind of thing) only wants one thing for his birthday: he wants to go through the Fear, Inc. tailor-made horror experience. His loving and long-suffering girlfriend, Lindsey (Caitlin Stasey) and best friends, Ben (Chris Marquette) and Ashleigh (Stephanie Drake) are only too happy to oblige, even if Ben cautions that he’s heard “bad things” about the deviants behind Fear, Inc. When something goes tragicomically wrong, the group will find out what, exactly, happens when you cross Fear, Inc…and it ain’t pretty.

Lots of fun, if occasionally too manic and on-the-nose, Fear, Inc. makes the most of an incredibly game cast and strong script, coming up with some pretty daffy, horror-inspired scenarios. There are plenty of nods to classic horror films, both covert and ridiculously in-your-face, leading fans to play a refreshing game of “Spot the Reference,” ala Scream. The comedy aspects are particularly strong, with a script chockablock with quotable one-liners and snide throwaway comments, most of which belong to Neff’s kind of/sort of lovable asshole. The genius twist (foreshadowed expertly by one throwaway line much earlier in the film) really ends this on a high note but everything before manages to maintain a pretty decent cruising altitude, as well. If you’re looking for a smart, gory, self-referential horror-comedy, Fear, Inc. may just be calling your name.

Stay tuned for the final installments: coming soon!

The 31 Days of Halloween (2016): 10/15-10/21 (Part One)

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31 Days of Halloween, B.C. Butcher, cinema, Darkweb, Field Freak, film reviews, films, Flight 7500, horror films, Movies, October, Swiss Army Man, The Channel, The Devil's Dolls, The Good Neighbor, The Last Heist, When Black Birds Fly

Since the third week of October viewings featured 21 films, it seems prudent to break the list up into two chunks. This was a pretty varied week, all in all, featuring not only some of my favorite films of the season but also some of my least favorite. In that spirit, then, I present the first ten films screened during the week of October 15th through the 21st: the second half will follow shortly.

Darkweb

Astoundingly bad film that’s sort of a brain-dead take on Eli Roth’s Hostel, albeit one that hews a little closer to the original Most Dangerous Game source material. There’s really nothing to recommend here, unless you happen to be a fan of bad filmmaking (the performances and dialogue almost reach Ed Wood levels of absurdism) or want to see poor Danny Glover completely humiliate himself in one of the worst star-level cameos I’ve ever seen in a cheap-ass genre film: his character spends the entirety of the film yelling, gestulating wildly and shouting “Fuck!” from a TV monitor. I think I can speak for us all when I say that he’s way too old for this shit.

The Last Heist

Thoroughly entertaining, if rather run-of-the-mill, action-thriller about a bunch of crooks who break into a mob-owned bank and run afoul of a dour serial killer (Henry Rollins, in a fantastically realized performance) who’s just trying to get home with his suitcase full of eyeball trophies: can’t we all relate? I was a huge fan of director Mike Mendez’s Big Ass Spider but this one didn’t get me as fired-up, although it’s still the furthest thing possible from a bad film: full of great performances, well-staged action sequences and just enough gore to edge the needle into the “horror” side, you could do a lot worse than this.

The Channel

Simply terrible, zero-budget nonsense that seems designed purely to prove the theory that Christian horror films kind of suck. This tale about a teen who flirts with the dark side (via those terrible “rave dance parties” and Ecstacy pills, of course), gets into a car accident and brings back the spirit of a dead girl is just flat-out awful, no sugar-coating possible. Full of so many cliches, amateur performances and poor filmmaking (the color timing, for one, is just wretched) that it’s impossible to ever become invested in the trite storyline, this bears the distinction of having a distinctly Christian angle but that’s pretty much its only distinctive feature.

Swiss Army Man

An easy candidate for one of my favorite films of the entire year, Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert’s Swiss Army Man might sound unpleasant on paper (a suicidal castaway comes upon a dead body and uses it in a multitude of ways to survive) but is simply magical, in execution. Rarely have I encountered a film that hits such heady highs between ridiculous slapstick comedy (think Weekend at Bernie’s but much weirder), devastating drama and soaring joy: it’s like riding an emotional rollercoaster, with each new loop and development charging through you at maximum velocity. Essentially a two-person show (for the most part), everything would collapse if the performances weren’t top notch: good thing that Paul Dano and Daniel Radcliffe bring two of the year’s very best to the table. While Dano is simply superb, able to bring equal measures of awkward sweetness and genuine darkness to Hank, Radcliffe is nothing short of revelatory as Manny, the corpse. Relegated to playing dead for the entire film, Radcliffe still manages to make Manny a completely alive, vibrant character: his gradual awakening to the world is truly beautiful, something that seems a little hard to comprehend in between the non-stop farting and boner-compassing.

Saying too much about this absolutely delightful piece of filmmaking (the craft of which, by the way, is equally stunning) would be to ruin shee delight and I’ll never be a party to that: suffice to say that Swiss Army Man is one of those truly beautiful films that could actually change your life, if you let it, and we’ll leave it at that. The Daniels (as they’re collectively known) have instantly landed on my “future must-sees” list.

Flight 7500

The Grudge director Takashi Shimizu’s latest, Flight 7500, comes with an intriguing premise: a captive audience of travelers on a red-eye flight must figure out what mysterious force is killing them, one by one, as their luxurious tomb hurtles turbulently through dark skies. It’s a pretty interesting, creepy idea, which makes the tedious result even more disappointing: despite being competently made, there’s no spark here, whatsoever, and the film’s numerous plot holes constantly threaten to swallow audience interest whole. The film’s big twist also serves to handily deflate any tension that came before, making the whole thing even more silly, upon closer reflection. Not terrible…just terribly dull.

The Good Neighbor

More drama than horror, in execution, Kasra Farahani’s The Good Neighbor edged its way onto this year’s screenings by virtue of its premise: a pair of pretentious teen shitheads (ably portrayed by Logan Miller and Keir Gilchrist) decide to fuck with a cantakerous, old neighbor (ably portrayed by James Caan) and convince him that his house is haunted, in order to gauge his response. As expected, his response is not what the two guys expect and tragedy ensues. Despite solid performances and execution, this ended up being a bit trite and heavy-handed, by the end, a fact not aided by the film’s frequent courtroom cut-aways. It’s always nice to see Caan in anything, especially at this stage of his career, but this is just okay, no matter how you slice it.

The Devil’s Dolls

A prime example of an indie film’s reach exceeding its abilities, The Devil’s Dolls (nee Worry Dolls) has a fantastic plot but rather unexceptional execution and decidedly iffy acting. A notorious serial killer is gunned down by a heroic cop, who takes the dead guy’s possessions, including a box full of ‘worry dolls,’ as evidence. The cop’s young daughter gets ahold of the dolls and turns them into necklaces, which she sells. Problem is, each of the dolls is actually cursed and causes the owner to commit terrible acts. Our hero cop must now race around the town, desperately trying to stop a vicious killer who’s already long dead and gone, as his innocent daughter becomes more and more possessed. No matter how you look at it, that’s a logline with a tremendous amount of potential, all too little of which makes it to the screen. The kills are graphic and energetic, which will be a plus for the gorehounds, but the performances range from decent to vein-popping. In a hit-or-miss year, The Devil’s Dolls definitely wasn’t one of the worst but it would be a helluva stretch to call it one of the best: file this right in the middle and be done with it.

Field Freak

Much better than I initially feared but still pretty far from my cup of tea, Stephen Folker’s Field Freak is one seriously silly film. This tale about a writer who moves his family to the country only to encounter insane root beer vendors, crazed beaver exterminators and the titular Sasquatian monster is always manic and over-the-top but that seems to be by design. As someone who loathes self-aware dreck like Sharknado, I’m far from an expert on this type of film but Field Freak, at the least, was a fairly painless watch. If campy isn’t your thing, however, this will probably wear out its welcome rather quickly.

B.C. Butcher

As someone who grew up on Troma films, I’ll still freely admit that seeing their logo before a film always gives me pause: will this be one of the outrageously offensive, amazing ones or one of the cheapjack, shitty ones? Without a doubt, B.C. Butcher is Team Shitty, all the way. Painfully amateurish and proud of it, this is nothing more than an opportunity for folks to make a film, pure and simple. When your “movie” features Kato Kaelin as a curiously metro-sexual caveman with an odd obsession with his own ass and I still can’t be bothered to even care, well…what can ya say? The most this warrants is a shrug and a “You got me again, guys…good one.” Extra negative points for the impossibly tedious nightmare sequences, which really hit a new high (low?) in Troma’s search for the most obnoxious film-viewing experiences possible.

When Black Birds Fly

Proof positive that you never, ever judge a book by its cover, When Black Birds Fly might be rough, technically, but it packs more wallop and imagination than most “professional” films. Written, directed and animated solely by mad genius Jimmy Screamerclauz, this is a little difficult to describe but I’ll give it the ol’ college try. Imagine a version of Hellraiser, influenced by The Wizard of Oz, that also doubles as a Biblical allegory for the story of Adam and Eve, animated in the glitchy, occasionally unwatchable style of first-generation computer game cut-scenes. Still confused? Sorry, kids, but that’s the best I got: this howlingly insane film is an experience, in every sense of the word, one of those things that you strap yourself into and just hold on for dear life.

Despite being physically nauseated by the style, at first (absolutely no lie), I actually warmed to the film quite a bit, once I got used to it. Still, this is extremely strong stuff, the kind of material that would be absolutely unthinkable in a live-action film (think extreme Japanese manga, as a reference), full of revolting violence and truly bizarre sex. Perhaps the closest one can get to staring right into the hideous maw of insanity and still emerge, relatively unscathed. Color me thoroughly impressed and more than a little unsettled and freaked out. There really isn’t anything else like this in the entire world, for better or worse.

Keep your eyeballs peeled for Part Two, coming soon!

The 13 Films You Need to See For Halloween (2016 Edition)

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2016, Ava's Possessions, Baskin, cinema, Clown, film reviews, films, Freaks of Nature, Green Room, Halloween, Halloween traditions, High-Rise, Movies, Nina Forever, The Alchemist Cookbook, The Funhouse Massacre, The Gateway, The Greasy Strangler, The Witch, Under the Shadow

As horror fans, we all get stuck in the same rut of seasonal, Halloween-oriented films: Carpenter’s Halloween, Romero’s Night of the Living Dead, Trick r Treat, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, et al…There’s nothing wrong with any of these films, mind you: they’ve been regular parts of my October viewing for much of my adult life, after all. That’s not to say, of course, that there aren’t other films than these.

In the spirit of The VHS Graveyard’s year-long salute to 2016 horror, we now present thirteen new films that absolutely deserve a spot in your last-minute October film screenings. The films run the gamut, with only one unifying factor: they were all the creme de la creme and handily exemplify all of the best aspects our beloved season. With no further ado and in no particular order, then…the thirteen films you should watch before the clock stricks midnight on Halloween.

The Witch

If you’re a horror fan, I’m assuming you’ve already seen The Witch: good…see it again. If you haven’t seen Robert Eggers’ ode to the Black Mass, by all means, see it this October. The combination of creeping dread and in-your-face-horror is just what the doctor ordered when it comes to the season of the witch.

Baskin

In order to be truly frightened, you must be tossed into a completely alien, nightmarish sceanario. Enter Baskin: a Turkish horror film that applies a modicum of logic and an acre of “What the fuck?!,” this is the closest that modern films have come to approximating either Clive Barker’s seminal Hellraiser or any of Lucio Fulci’s batshit beauties. If your stomach is weak, prepare for deja vu on your appetizers.

Ava’s Possessions

Addiction can be terrifying: ask any junkie or alcoholic out there. Is it worse than demon possession? We better go to the panel. Jordan Galland’s Ava’s Possessions repositions that proverbial “morning after” by way of The Exorcist: what if you did terrible, horrible things while possessed by a demon…and then had to go through the 12 steps of atonement? What if you…ya know…aren’t really that sorry? Simply fabulous addiction via Beetlejuice parable that’s as funny as it is shocking.

High-Rise

My early pick for one of the top films of the year and still in the running, Ben Wheatley’s distopian look at a class-segregated London apartment building in utter crisis is nothing short of masterful filmmaking. Like a great work of art that affords new understanding with every viewing, High-Rise (masterfully adapted from the J.G. Ballard novel) is one of those films that functions equally well as art (the film really is a beautiful, Kubrickian wonder) and absolute, soul-sucking horror.

Nina Forever

Who says that Halloween isn’t a time for love? If anyone doubts the notion, pop in this heartwarming tale about a young man, his dead girlfriend and new lover and the ways in which they all learn to live (and love) together. Equal parts erotic, revolting and thought-provoking, Ben and Chris Blaine’s indie marvel will make you rethink the difference between devotion and obsession…along with things better left to individual discovery, shall we say.

The Gateway

All curtains hung in the shower of a particular run-down apartment building happen to disappear into thin air. The current tenant decides to figure out what’s going on, plunging us all headlong into the kind of metaphysical horror that splits the difference between David Lynch and David Cronenberg, ending somewhere in the general zip code of H.P. Lovecraft. If Halloween is about getting creeped out and worrying about what might be lurking around the corner, do not pass Go and head straight to this micro-budget jewel.

Clown

Beginning life as a fake trailer and ending as one of the best, flat-out horror films of the year, Clown is nothing short of a revelation. If you want a no-holds-barred (child killing is abound), kill-em-all creature feature, you could do a lot worse than this chiller about a father who puts on a clown suit and just can’t seem to take it off. The origin story is genuinely badass, the kills are intense and plentiful and the monster is one for the ages. Killer clowns are all the rage, this season: might as well watch it done right, eh?

Green Room

A punk band (led by the late Anton Yelchin) lands a gig at a secluded dive in the middle of the Oregon wilds.Turns out the place is a neo-Nazi stronghold and our hapless heroes have the great misfortune of witnessing something they’re just not supposed to see. Forced to hold up in the aforementioned green room of the bar, the film is one non-stop seige, Assault on Precint 13 writ on the head of a pin, featuring some of the most heart-stopping, frightening and unforgettable setpieces of the year. Regardless of your personal definition of “horror,” any of the scenes involving the ravenous attack dogs more than fit the bill.

The Alchemist Cookbook

Nothing says “Halloween” like misguided deals with the Devil: it’s a combo as classic as peanut butter and bananas! This year, skip Rosemary’s Baby  and set your sights on Joel Potrykus’ latest descent into madness, The Alchemist Cookbook. The Evil Dead by way of Waiting for Godot, this slowburner will reward patient Halloweeners with a truly gonzo finale that will make you second-guess that planned trip to turn lead into gold, in the middle of the woods: It’s probably not worth it.

The Greasy Strangler

A timeless story of father-son rivalry, The Greasy Strangler would be right at home on the Hallmark Channel, provided said station specialized in prosthetic dicks, buckets of grease and more eye-popping mayhem than Rikki-Oh could dream about in a lifetime of cinderblock snoozing. As sleazy as a skid-row grind-show, this is a trip to a dirtier, grungier time. If you can’t get a little sleazy during Halloween, though, when can you?

Under the Shadow

Iranian-made chiller set during the Cultural Revolution and war that’s been compared to The Babadook but is really its own special brand of madness. This slow-burner, about a mother struggling to separate nightmare from reality in a (literally) crumbling apartment, takes its time to let loose with the pure hell but, when it comes, it’s a real kick in the face. Intelligent, creepy, thought-provoking and as well-made as a Swiss clock, this is one that has the making of a “future classic” written all over it.

The Funhouse Massacre

Sometimes, you just want an old-fashioned, blood-n-guts slasher, seasoned with a liberal dose of humor: Funhouse Massacre has those eyes dotted with little smiley-face xs. A group of insane killers escape from the local insane asylum and slip into their respective exhibits in seasonal house of horrors, ala Waxwork by way of Hatchet. Fun, memorable villains? Check. Bloody kills? Check. Likeable, strong victims? Check. Exquisite sense of what made the best ’80s and ’90s B-horror films work? Check and mate.

Freaks of Nature

Above all else, Halloween should be fun and nothing says “fun” quite like vampires, zombies and humans fending off an alien invasion together, right? Freaks of Nature is flat-out-fun from start to finish, featuring a mob of great actors (Denis Leary, Keegan-Michael Key and Joan Cusack, to name but three) and a seemingly endless number of classic horror and sci-fi references. Put this on after the trick ‘r’ treaters leave and pop the keg on the adult cider: this is the perfect way to end the season.

The 31 Days of Halloween (2016): 10/8-10/14

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31 Days of Halloween, Antibirth, Bunni, cinema, Dark, film reviews, films, Ghost Team, Ghostbusters, Halloween, Halloween traditions, horror, horror films, I Am Not a Serial Killer, Movies, October, Phantasm, Rebirth, Terrortory, The Alchemist Cookbook, The Darkness, The Greasy Strangler, The Hoarder, The Neon Demon, The Shallows

With no fanfare, I now present Week Two of the 31 Days of Halloween. The fifteen films below represent quite the gamut, from old classics to modern rubbish. The only uniting factor? They’re all horror (give or take) and they were all screened between October 8th and October 14th. On to the films!

The Alchemist Cookbook

Joel Potrykus’ insane Buzzard (Holden Caulfield with Krueger claws, stickin’ it to the phonies and getting frighteningly metaphysical) was one of my very favorite films of last year, so the wait for his follow-up, The Alchemist Cookbook, was nothing short of excruciating. Good thing it’s just as amazing, insane and mind-blowing. Imagine, if you can, a world where Evil Dead, Repulsion, A Field in England and the Sorceror’s Apprentice segment of Fantasia are all the same film. Easy, right? Now imagine that Mickey is a mentally unbalanced, potentially dangerous loner who just discovered either the secret to turning lead into gold or a portal straight into Hell. Or not. The beauty of Potrykus’ latest is that you just don’t know, right up until the point where he pulls the tablecloth off, leaving every last bit of crystalware standing, unmoved. As expected, one of my favorite films of the year, hands down.

I Am Not a Serial Killer

If there’s one thing you can’t call Irish writer/director Billy O’Brien’s coming-of-age/supernatural thriller I Am Not a Serial Killer, it would definitely have to be “middle-of-the-road.” The Isolation auteur’s latest involves a small-town teen (the absolutely astounding Max Records, who deserves an acting nomination) who must discover what dark force has been murdering the locals, all while surpressing his own, burgeoning psychopathic tendencies. The scene where Max calmly explains how he just starts complimenting people whenever he thinks about killing them, right before profusely complimenting the town bully, is an absolute masterstroke. Toss in Christopher Lloyd as a kindly old neighbor with a terrible secret, some genuinely disturbing violence and a creature design that’s suitably weird and you have the makings of a pretty fantastic little film. There’s also a nice streak of gallows’ humor that runs through the proceedings, lightening the mood considerably.

The Neon Demon

Full disclosure: I’m a pretty huge fanboy when it comes to Nicolas Winding Refn: I’ve dearly loved every one of his films that I’ve seen, from the extraordinary, magical-realism of Bronson to the “too cool for school” style over substance of Drive and Only God Forgives. Hell, I absolutely adore Valhalla Rising and that one’s even a tough sell for art film fans. This is all by way of saying that I really disliked his newest, The Neon Demon, almost to the point of actively hating the film. Tedious, silly, obvious and rather obnoxious, Refn approaches this moldy tale of the fashion industry literally chewing up and spitting out young women like he has something new to add, only to come up with something that feels like a lesser version of Starry Eyes. While the film looks absolutely stunning (from the glitter-imbued opening credits all the way through the Grand Guignol model shoot that ends the film, The Neon Demon is, without a doubt, one of the best looking films I’ve ever seen), it’s as empty as a foam mannequin head. Easily one of the biggest disappointments of the entire year.

Phantasm: Remastered

Even when new films are on the agenda, you still have to sneak a few classics in: that’s just tradition. Don Coscarelli’s Phantasm has always been one of my favorite films (the series, not so much), so watching it in a glorious, cleaned-up, 4K transfer is pretty damn awesome. The film is still as weird and nonsensical as it ever was (Demon Jawas? Creepy, trans-dimensional undertakers? Reggie?!) but it now looks better than ever. If you’re an old fan, be sure not to skip this remaster: it’s absolutely worth another look.

Bunni

I’ve seen a lot of truly terrible, bottom-of-the-barrel crap this year but Bunni earned it’s spot at the bottom with an ease that is truly scary. The film looks like shit, the actors aren’t (and never will be, I’m guessing), it’s impossibly tedious, has zero wit, invention or brains and seems to have been edited by someone who graduated from the Ed Wood School of Film and Stuff. It’s also only a little over an hour long, excluding credits, which ends up being the only bright spot, ironically. I have seen quite a few zero budget 2016 horror films that managed to be clever, unique, fun and interesting, despite their shortcomings. By comparison, watching Bunni is like willingly slamming your thumb in a door, over and over, for the better part of an hour. My advice? Don’t.

Antibirth

Some films dip a toe in the weird end of the pool and some films dive right in with gusto: writer/director Danny Perez’ Antibirth is a diver, through and through. Any mere description will fail to touch on just how fundamentally weird this is but here goes: after a wild night of drinkin’ and druggin,’ local burn-out Lou (the impossibly awesome and perfect Natashsa Lyonne, in a truly award-winning performance) wakes up sick, foggy and, apparently, very pregnant. With the help of her best friend, Sadie (the equally radical and amazing Chloe Sevigny), Lou must find what, exactly, happened to her before something even worse happens. By turns hilarious, sad, really weird, gross and a little frustrating, Antibirth isn’t as amazing and outrageous as it could have been but Lyonne and Sevigny make a dynamite combo and the finale will go down as one of the most unforgetttable, unpleasant and amazing things I’ve ever seen. It’s also great to see a horror film that not only focuses on female characters but also on female relationships, dynamics, gender issues and themes. Not perfect, by any means, but pretty darn cool.

Ghost Team

Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? This “comedy” about a team of amateur ghosthunters is terrible…absolutely wretched. Caustically unfunny (it actually made me angry), smug, stupid, obvious, manic, idiotic and a complete waste of a rather serviceable cast (Jon Heder is capable of much better, although Justin Long will always be at home in shit like this), there isn’t one thing about this waste of time that I can recommend. Suffice to say, I got a free copy and it still wasn’t worth it. If this is the kind of thing that makes you chuckle, you might have already been lobotomized.

Rebirth

Sometimes, a film can suffer by being too similar to another film, whether by design or accident. Rebirth, about a boring, middle-management type who is given the opportunity to completely “reinvent” himself via a strange, invitation-only “seminar,” is basically The Game, for better or worse, with a few twists. The film certainly looks good and gathers up a reasonable amount of tension along the way: it also features typically standout performances from genre mainstays Adam Goldberg (simply superb) and Pat Healy. The biggest problem ends up being how familiar the whole thing is: if you don’t get the big “twist” before the main character does, I’m willing to wager you stopped paying attention, which is a perfectly suitable reaction. Decent but distinctly middle-of-the-road and light on actual horror.

The Greasy Strangler

Sometimes, you know right off the bat whether a film is for you: this is one of those films. Grungy, gross, cringe-worthy, awkward, weird, silly and, above all, absolutely amazing, The Greasy Strangler is the love child of Herschell Gordon Lewis and John Waters, conceived in a filthy Times Square bathroom and raised on Twinkies, bathtub hooch and lots of grease. If the notion of a greasy old man with a huge, greasy prosthetic penis bothers you, walk on by. If the idea of a 5-minute scene where the leads yell “Bullshit artist” at each other sounds tedious, walk on by. If the very notion of a film that could best be described as the work of a brain-damaged Wes Anderson doesn’t sound like your cup of grease, walk on by. If you watch this and don’t feel anything, however, I have just one thing to say: “Bullshit artist!”

Ghostbusters (2016)

As someone who abhors remakes, in general, I was already predisposed to dislike the new Ghostbusters reboot on principle. On the other hand, I also genuinely like writer/director Paul Feig and think that Kristen Wiig and Kate McKinnon are amazing, especially when they’re allowed to cut loose. Turns out the only way to know, unlike plenty of internet ragers, was to actually watch the film. After all, if remakes are inevitable, they might as well be made by genuinely creative people, right?

As luck would have it, the film really isn’t very good but for reasons that have nothing to do with the cast (which is actually one of the film’s few saving graces) and everything to do with most modern, mega-budget tentpole films: the new Ghostbusters is a heavy-handed CGI spectacle that is ridiculously colorful and “cool” but as empty and pointless as a carnival ride. Everything is spoon-fed, every hand held. It dials down the horror aspect of the original almost completely: the terrifying Zuul setpiece has been replaced by a silly, action-packed Times Square segment that owes more to The Avengers than the original Ghostbusters. The film is ridiculously overlong and bloated (well over two hours in the version I watched). The script is pointedly unfunny (particularly odd considering Feig and the cast’s largely comedy background) and the film manages to be an uncomfortable mix of blatant fan-service (much of the original cast make silly, unrelated cameos, along with characters like Slimer and Stay Puft) and snarky critique of the original, much of which seems to be aimed at the mouth-breathing, bro-dog bloggers who blasted the film before it even started shooting. There was plenty of potential for this cast and creative team to deliver gold: we got pyrite, at best.

The Hoarder

Easily one of the most pleasant surprises of the year, this was a sleeper, in the very best sense. A woman and her friend go to a storage facility, before closing, in order to retrieve a particular item. They misread the key and get into the wrong (very wrong) storage unit, kicking off a chain of events that’s much smarter, eerier and well-realized than these kinds of films usually are. The production values and cinematography are really good, the acting is consistently strong and the film is disturbing without being overly gory. One of the better indie horrors of the year.

The Shallows

Sort of All is Lost, if Robert Redford were replaced by Blake Lively and the boat was replaced by a ridiculously cool, evil shark. Quite good, full of tense, well-staged sequences and more than a few bits of full-on horror, along with a supremely cute seagull named Steven, this was the epitome of a good popcorn film. Lively is great as the potentially doomed surfer, despite being saddled with a few too many syrupy dramatic moments: she plays the role with a combination of steely determination and whistful flightiness that makes her character one of the more likeable of the summer. That shark, though…when ol’ dead eyes gets his murder instinct up, he’s quite the pulpy cinematic creation and easily one of the better villains of the year.

The Darkness

As a rule, this year’s horror-related theatrical offerings have been pretty weak, quality-wise, which ends up making Greg McClean’s The Darkness one of the better ones, ironically. Kevin Bacon and Radha Mitchell are predicatably solid, the opening is strong, the general concept is certainly original and the “creatures” are pretty great. That being said, the whole thing is also decidedly low stakes and non-lethal, making this PG-13 film more of a family-oriented title than anything else. Still a little hard to believe this is the mad genius behind Wolf Creek, though.

Terrortory

Another ultra-low budget film that ended up surprising me, in a good way, the horror anthology Terrortory actually had more spirit and good intentions than many mega-budget films I’ve seen. The concept is pretty killer (a particular township in America is home to every manner of monster, creepy occurance and urban legend possible, many of which end up as stories in the film), the effects are rather extraordinary, considering the poverty-row budget and each of the stories featured decent twists and plenty of genuinely creepy moments. The acting may have been a bit iffy (the Siren segment, in particular, is rough) and they overuse the generic woods setting a bit too much but this was consistently fun and never painful to sit through, even at its most amateurish. I may not want to live in the Terrortory full-time but I certainly wouldn’t mind another visit sometime.

Dark

Concerning a young woman suffering a mental breakdown in her apartment, during a city-wide blackout in New York, writer/director Nick Basile’s Dark never comes across as anything but a much lesser version of Polanski’s classic Repulsion. The film is never terrible, merely dull and uneventful, taking an extraordinarily long time to arrive at a punchline that most genre fans will see coming a mile away. The LGBT themes are refreshing (horror films rarely feature gay or lesbian lead characters), to be sure, and the flashlit apartment stairwells and lofts make for some suitably creepy locations. At the end of the day, however, Dark is never more than functional and obvious, qualities that it shares with a few too many films for comfort.

Coming soon: Week Three of the 31 Days of Halloween. Stay tuned, folks!

The 31 Days of Halloween (2016): 10/1-10/7

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2016, 31 Days of Halloween, 31 Days of October, 3: All Hallows Eve, Bleed, cinema, Extraordinary Tales, films, Goosebumps, Halloween traditions, horror, horror films, Movies, October, seasonal viewing, The Conjuring 2, The Mind's Eye

Ahh…October. Changing leaves…a crisp chill in the air…a final farewell to the last, bright vestiges of Summer before Winter takes its hold…October can mean a lot of things to a lot of people but, around here, we hold it sacred for a very particular reason: Halloween. At the VHS Graveyard, we like to celebrate All Hallows’ Eve for an entire month: how, exactly, could you cram all that goodness into one mere night?

In previous years, I attempted to screen a combination of new films and older favorites but this year is a little different. The VHS Graveyard is attempting to see every single horror film released in 2016 so, that end, the focus has been almost exclusively on new, previously unseen films. There are still a few classics sprinkled in, of course, and a few newer films pre-2016. Other than that, however, consider this a preview of our overall look at horror in 2016.

We’ll begin this year’s coverage with the first week of viewings: Saturday, the 1st, to Friday, the 7th. The first week was a little light but things picked up considerably after that. With no further ado, let’s get started, shall we?

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3: All Hallows Eve

Micro-budget indie anthology film (three stories and a wraparound) that can be extremely rough going, at times (we’ll call most of the performances “enthusiastic” and leave it at that), but still manages to be a lot of fun. There were no surprising twists, the FX and production values were strictly home-grown and I’m not sure that much of it could be considered “scary,” per se. That being said, there was an inherent style to the second and third segments that was undeniably eerie, despite the limitations, and I had a huge kick out of seeing an actor I actually worked with in the production (Christopher Labadie, who ended up giving the film’s best performance in the Christine-inspired third segment). Film’s like this are the reason I’ll always give a chance to indie horror films, despite initial misgivings.

Extraordinary Tales

Mostly amazing animated collection of Edgar Allen Poe stories that’s connected by a thoroughly tedious, obnoxious wraparound story where Poe’s dead soul is a raven having a dumb philosophical conversation with Death in a graveyard. There are some ridiculous goodies to be found here, however, with each story getting a different animation style and atmosphere: The Fall of the House of Usher gets Christopher Lee as a narrator and a cool, pseudo-woodcut style; The Telltale Heart features supremely kickass rotoscope black-and-white and a scratchy, really-old recorded narrative by Bela Lugosi (!!); The Facts in the Case of M. Valdemar is an old EC comic come to life and is, if you’ll pardon my language, impossibly fucking cool…really…it fucking rips; The Pit and the Pendulum gets Guillermo del Toro for a narrator (!) but is otherwise strictly by the numbers and disappointing; The Masque of the Red Death closes the proceedings with a simply stunning watercolor style and one of the coolest, most evocative versions of the tale I’ve ever seen on screen. For fans of Poe and animation, this is pretty much a must-see, stupid wraparound be damned.

The Conjuring 2: The Enfield Poltergeist

Call me a “genre snob” all you want but I won’t sugar-coat things: I did not care for this sequel to the mega-popular James Wan original (which I did enjoy, to be honest). Despite being exceptionally well-made (parts of the film really do look gorgeous and some of the effects scenes are superbly executed) and featuring a few real chills, this next chapter in the saga of Ed and Lorraine Warren is mostly flat, telegraphed, rather hysterical (it’s impossible to take some of the “tense” scenes seriously) and ridiculously overlong (the entire Amityville opening is a stupid pretension that adds nothing but running time to the film). The whole thing is rather dunderheaded, at the end of the day, symbolized by an over-reliance on the film’s “Manson Nun” demon that borders on a Family Guy skit. This really is big-budget, multiplex horror at its bloated worst.

Bleed

This indie about a group of ghost hunters checking out a supposedly haunted, fire-gutted prison certainly wasn’t terrible: the film looked pretty, considering the budget, and the prison location proved endlessly creepy and atmospheric. It was confusing, however, full of so many disparate plot elements and genre tropes (justice-seeking ghosts, crazy cultists, baby sacrifice, serial killers, ghost hunters) that the whole thing tended to collapse in on itself like a wet tissue. It was going to be hard for me to hate any film that features former Jesus Lizard singer David Yow as a fire-scarred, nutbag deputy sheriff, however, so this was always going to have a leg up on the competition: that Yow is simply magnificent makes it all that much more satisfying.

The Mind’s Eye

As a big fan of genre wunderkind Joe Begos, I was really looking forward to his homage to Cronenberg’s Scanners and I wasn’t disappointed in the slightest. Gloriously ’80s-centric and just about as “authentic” as these types of modern films get (right down to the broad acting and ridiculous set-pieces), this tale of a pair of vein-popping telekinetics on the run from shadowy government baddies really isn’t that different from Scanners but is never less than full-throttle fun. The practical effects are pretty impressive, lending the whole thing the feel of something that a much younger me might have grabbed off a video store shelf on a lazy Saturday. Films like this really light a fire under the ol’ VHS Graveyard!

Goosebumps

As a kid, I voraciously devoured any and all Stephen King, Clive Barker, Dean Koontz and Dan Simmons books that I could find. Young-adult superstar R.L. Stine was a bit after my formative young years, however, so I must admit almost complete ignorance regarding his exceptionally large back catalog. I must also admit, in the interest of full disclosure, that I do not really care for Jack Black, finding him to be way too manic and obnixous for my taste. That being said, I thoroughly enjoyed this mega-budget, CGI-bloated, Jack Black-starring big-screen introduction of many of Stine’s most famous creations to the silver screen. A clever bit of meta-fiction involving nosy kids accidentally releasing Stine’s (nicely underplayed by Black, for a change) literary creations into the real world, where they wreck havoc under the evil eye of living dummy Slappy (also Black and much less restrained), this was full of fun setpieces and nicely realized (for the most part) monsters. Sure, it was silly, manic and distinctly aimed at a young audience. If you’re the kind of horror fan who has no room at your table for something light-hearted and bloodless, however, expect to be turned away from my buffet: The VHS Graveyard welcomes any and all with open arms.

Coming up: Week Two and the next fifteen films in this year’s 31 Days of Halloween. Until then…keep it scary, boos and ghouls…keep it scary!